I Am Canadian

In my newsfeed from the New York Times this morning was this article by Carlos Lozada:

An immigrant from Peru, Lozada details the conundrums he faces daily regarding his immigrant identity. I was deeply moved by his writing. Moved enough to write a personal note to him at his email address at the NYT. (I don’t expect him to answer.)

His opinion piece evoked a memory of what Joy Kogawa had to say in Obasan, her novel written in 1981. I felt compelled to find those words again and share them with Lozada.

Here is the letter I wrote him:

Carlos, 

As I was reading your piece, I can’t tell you how it resonated for me.  What’s interesting is I was born here in Canada, my mother was born in Canada, my father was an immigrant as were all my grandparents; I personally feel more “immigrant” these days than at any other time in my life (I’m heading toward 82!). In today’s actively antisemitic world I feel my token “jewishness” separating me from my “christian” friends and neighbours. The conundrums you describe are present in my life in such subtle ways but they are there.

I feel my “immigrantness” weekly when I visit two young Afghan families recently come to Canada. I spend a couple of hours a week with each family chatting in English, reading children’s books in English, to help them learn a language they are working so hard to learn. I visit weekly for these young women to help them overcome the isolation a lack of common language forces upon them. These new permanent residents to Canada have become like grandchildren/great-grandchildren in the almost two years I’ve known them. 

I can’t imagine their decision to leave Afghanistan and their families behind. I know the facts of their escapes through Iran, arriving in Turkey as illegals, the unimaginable luck of making contact with a Canadian citizen sponsorship group who helped bring them to Canada. I’m not an official part of that group (my youngest sister is), but through my investment of time these past two years, I have come to feel a small bit of what my grandparents must have experienced, who knew they would never see those they left behind, many of whom a few decades later would have ended in Nazi crematoria. Both sets of grandparents left Lithuania and Poland/Ukraine respectively and arrived in Canada in the early 1900s. I have no names of those left behind but I am absolutely certain many relatives did not survive WWII.

Canada, like the USA, is a nation of immigrants, yet so many people seem disconnected from that reality. In Canada, we’re a bit more aware of our crimes against the First Nations people – our halting attempts at reconciliation keep reminding us that we displaced them, disenfranchised them, demeaned them and that everybody else has immigrant origins from all over the world. 

We are experiencing in Canada a growing sentiment that we don’t want more immigrants, we need to keep “these people” out – they’re taking “our” jobs (in spite of the fact that Canadians don’t want to do the jobs they are willing to do), making housing impossible to find (that’s really the fault of those of us who made development decisions fifty years ago), overrunning our healthcare system (who actually made the decisions to cut back spending on medicine, education, dentistry, social work, … forty  years ago?). We need these new people for their willingness to work hard, for the cultural diversity they bring to us, for their talents and skills which enrich our community.

Shortly after it was published (1981) I read Joy Kogawa’s novel “Obasan” – there’s a passage in it that has stayed with me these 40+  years – written words of the Aunt (Obasan) who had been born in Canada but sent with her family to a Japanese internment camp during WWII:

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“The entire manuscript was sixty pages long, I skimmed over the pages till I came across a statement underlined and circled in red: I am Canadian. The circle was drawn so hard the paper was torn. Three lines of a poem were at the top of the page.

Breathes there a man with soul so dead
Who never to himself hath said:
This is my own, my native land!

The tanned brown edges of the page crumbled like autumn leaves as I straightened out the manuscript.

The exact moment when I first felt the stirrings of identification with this country occurred when I was twelve years old, memorizing a Canto of “The Lay of the Last Minstrel.”

So many times after that I repeated the lines: sadly desperately, and bitterly. But at first I was proud, knowing that I belonged.

This is my own, my native land.

Then as I grew older and joined the Nisei group taking a leading part in the struggle for liberty, I waved those lines around like a banner in the wind:

This is my own, my native land.

When war struck this country, when neither pride nor belligerence nor grief had availed us anything, when we were uprooted, and scattered to the four winds, I clung desperately to those immortal lines:

This is my own, my native land.

Later still, after our former homes had been sold over our vigorous protests, after having been re-registered, fingerprinted, card-indexed, roped and restricted, I cry out the question:

Is this my own, my native land?

The answer cannot be changed. Yes. It is. For better or worse, I am Canadian.”

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Securely Canadian having been born here myself, I still feel Obasan’s struggle as somehow my own.

Your NYT piece has evoked all those same feelings about country and belonging that I found those many years ago in Kogawa’s writing,

Thanks for such a passionate piece.

Judith Newman

“Just Grow Up!”

Nobody would have guessed Goldie would be the last one standing, but she is.

Goldie, one of my mother’s younger sisters,  turned 100 this past February, having outlived her eight siblings. She’s my last surviving aunt or uncle in both my mother’s and father’s families. 

She’s aware of what’s going on around her, not quite so mobile anymore, but definitely still going strong; Goldie’s planning on reaching 108 (the age of the oldest resident in her retirement building). Who knows, she might get there. After all, with much determination and effort, she managed to regain her speech following a stroke two years ago. She has pushed herself to walk again after a fall that broke her hip a year ago. Yes, she uses a walker, but she gets around the building under her own steam.

I was in Toronto a couple of weeks ago, visiting family. I try to make at least one trip a year to show my face so the grandnephews have a person to associate with my name. I always make a point of visiting Aunt Goldie. After all, there may not be a next visit. 

This time my sister and I arranged to visit just after Goldie’s lunchtime. We had a lovely time catching up—what was going on in my life, what was happening in hers, her children’s, grandchildren’s, and great-grandchildren’s.

Goldie has lived in this community for at least a decade. She made the decision to move from independent living in her condo to assisted living when her son-in-law retired, and he and her daughter were now planning to spend their winters in the warmth of California. With Goldie nearing 90, they were worried about not being around to support her. Goldie made the generous decision to move to assisted living so they could enjoy their retirement freedom without being anxious about her.

The community she moved into is pleasant, with attentive staff and many residents who are still active and social. Goldie decided to make the most of the situation and reached out to other residents. Her strategy paid off. People accepted her company and conversation. Staff pop into her room to check on how she’s doing, ask if can they do anything for her, and chitchat about their families and ask about hers. Over time, Goldie has built a community for herself.

One of the other residents who had a room next to Goldie was actually a neighbour who had lived across the street from her in Halifax. Marie had moved to Toronto, as had Goldie, to be near children and grandchildren. They spent time together, enjoying one another’s company. A couple of months ago, Marie died. Goldie missed her but stoically moved on. Shorty after Marie died, another former neighbour from Halifax arrived in the community. Emma (around 95) is not adjusting well to the transition from independent to supported living; she is cranky, miserable, in tears a good deal of the time.

Goldie has visited Emma often but told us she is running out of patience with her. 

“In fact, yesterday I told her to grow up! Life changes! You have to be flexible. Move on. If you give this place a chance, you can make a life for yourself here. Just grow up!” 

And with that, Goldie walked out of Emma’s room. The image of Goldie at 100 telling Emma at 95 to “grow up!” was just too funny; we burst out laughing.

At 81, I think about the wisdom of Goldie’s approach to living. If you’re cheerful and friendly with people, they’re happy spending time with you, sharing what’s going on in their lives, interested in yours. If you’re miserable, wishing you were elsewhere, closed off, people stay away. It’s a choice we all have to make, not just when we’re old, but throughout our lives.

In our older years, choosing to be open to new people becomes more important, if difficult. As people in our circle of friends move away or die, we need to actively seek out new people (both young and old) with whom to spend time. Critical to making new friends is being open, cheerful, and interested. 

No point in trying to hold on to the past, we all have to constantly “just grow up!”

Aunt Goldie

From Back Then – 1996

Fall ~1996

I received this pair of photos from a Manitoba friend I’ve kept in contact with. That’s me in the yellow fleece on the right side.

Those were my hang gliding days – I wouldn’t be surprised if that photo was actually taken on a late fall weekend fly-in in Dauphin Manitoba. I don’t recognize the glider but I recognize, and can name, all but one of the people in the pictures.

I did love flying. I didn’t get to do a lot of solo flying – my technique never got good enough that I felt safe in the air on my own but I did a lot of flying at the control bar with a number of different instructors. What a wonderful feeling to be high in the air with just the wind whistling past, the fields below, and the wide panorama in front of us.

High Over Makapu’u Point ~1993

I even got to fly, after launching, high over Makapu’u Point on a couple of occasions, from the California hills somewhere near Santa Barbara, even outside Bendigo Australia with the chill Antarctic wind reaching us.

This all took place when I was living in Manitoba.

When I returned to Nova Scotia, in 1997, I switched to paragliding – trying to get a hang glider to the various rustic launch sites available to us was just physically beyond me and I wasn’t about to ask a fellow pilot to carry my glider to the top of the hill for me! I could manage the paragliding gear (glider, harness, helmet, arm pads, gloves) myself, though.

It took quite a bit of training before I felt confident enough to actually push myself off launch after inflating the glider. I remember clearly my first real parading flight on the hill at Fox River. I’d inflated the glider (I’d got good at that), but was reluctant to start the run – Brian Wheaton gave me a big push and I was in the air, aiming for the landing site beyond the trees at the far edge of the blueberry fields. The flight lasted less than 2 minutes but I landed successfully on my feet!

That was it. I made the trip to Parrsboro regularly over the next many years hoping to find good flying conditions when I arrived but often the wind was too light or too strong. However, once in a while I managed to get into the air.

I’d have kept at the sport except I discovered I had osteoporosis and suddenly a hard landing on my bum wasn’t such a good idea. My flying career was over.

I hung out with the pilots for another couple of seasons – I loved being at the top of the hills watching the gliders weave back and forth along the shore edge.

Eventually I stopped attending the Annual Flying Festival. Life moves on.

I miss flying, though!